The Short List

I’m in an “old man passing down words of wisdom” mood today. Plus I remember somebody lamenting that there aren’t any good books to help you make the move from singleness to coupleness. Honestly, I’m of the opinion that it’s more luck than anything else, and there’s only so much you can write about having good luck. As friends of mine say, even if you polish a pile of poo to where it shines, it still stinks to see your face in it. But as much as you sometimes can’t control being single or coupled, you can control a heckuvalot when you finally do get coupled. And, though cliché, it is in your best interest to start prepping yourself for coupleness while you’re stuck in singleness. Thus, my short list of things I wish I’d developed before I got coupled. You’ll know how sick and twisted (read: twiterpated) in about 5 minutes.

1). Self Confidence: Gals dig self-confidence. Guys dig self-confidence. Gals and guys dig self-confidence. Why is it, then, that so many of us lack it? And why is it that “self-confidence” is so dang hard to define and develop? I’ve always said there’s a fine line between confidence and conceitedness. Though I admit now that it’s a rather large, grey blob more than it is a fine line, merely defining self-confidence as a humble but assured belief in one’s self doesn’t make it any easier a trait to develop, especially in the face of overwhelming evidence that suggests you have reason to be concerned about yourself. As I read once, “The only consistent feature of all your dissatisfying relationships is you.”

2). Patience: Patience is more than a virtue, it’s on the list of “almost unattainable character traits” up around self-confidence. If you thought managing your own hectic schedule was tough, try to manage it around somebody else’s hectic schedule. It sucks. It sucks hardcore. It usually means feast or famine when it comes to spending time with your other. When you’re eatin’ good, no worries. But when you’re hungry, oh how time doesn’t fly. Granted, you’re likely to only notice the famine when you’re not busy and there’s nothing at all going on. Thus, you probably need…

3). A Life: Patience becomes less necessary when there’s tons of other stuff occupying your time. The busier you stay when you’re away from the other, the less time you have to analyze how much better you could have done on the last outing. You also come up with really groovy ideas for the next outing, and gals dig groovy ideas. I was of the opinion that what can be done today can just as easily be done tomorrow long before I got coupled. It’s even easier to put stuff off for the good and noble cause of courtship.

4). Accountability: There’s also going to come a time (no, hasn’t happened to me yet) that there’s not a lot of things more important than spending time with the other. Unless you’ve got a roomie, good friend, or other person in you life willing to kick the crap out of you a time or two after something truly important gets left undone, life’ll be pretty tough. Not necessarily because things don’t get done, more because you’ll be hearing “Gosh, you’re whipped” more than you want to.

Sometimes you wonder if you’re only here to serve as a warning to others.

*****UPDATE*****01/12/06*****0930*****

If, per chance, you fail to develop these traits while in singleness, you can always work on them when you decide to put the relationship "on hold," whatever the h--l that means.

Unfortunately, I get to find out what that means.