Second helping

Mmmmm, pie….I like pie…..I think I’ll have another piece.

Tis been almost a month since the curse of pathetically poor social luck was lifted. So far, I got no regrets in turning to the dark side. Even when it means admitting hypocrisy on my part, I still have no regrets. I think that’s a good thing, but, in typical Dingdong fashion, I’ll have to analyze it to be sure.

There are a lot of things I swore I’d never do if/when I ever had the chance to do the whole relationship thing again. Some of it’s been pretty easy to stick to. For example, take rushing the whole physical side of things. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a guy. Guys of all people like physical things; but after you make the mistake (even if it’s not THE “mistake” people so often think of) of getting closer before you get closer, you won’t do it again. I think the whole touchy/lovey/dovey junk just doesn’t work till after there’s a solid emotional knowledge base of the person. Even just the simple stuff like hugs and holding hands means a whole heckuva lot more a month or so into the relationship because the emotional attraction has had time to grow. Physical barriers are easily broken, and after you break them, it’s difficult—if not impossible—to put them back up.

Without the get-to-know phase, you end up being more enamored with the relationship itself than you do with the other person. I read this article a while ago now (like, almost a month ago—coincidence, I hear you say), and the part at the end about “the Us” made me think a little bit. To a point, “the Us” is an inescapable part of a relationship/romance (whatever). Many people like to call it “the new.” Friends get excited that you’re in “the new” relationship/romance (whatever), parents want to know about “the new” significant other, so on and so forth. After a few weeks, though, “the new” should be pretty well over. Granted, it reappears every time you take a step up the commitment ladder (which, if anybody knows what those steps are and what’s different between them, please let me know…soon…), and a lot of people talk about breaking in “the new” marriage—don’t ask me what that means. But “the new” shouldn’t stick around as long the second or third time around. If you’re constantly striving to talk about “the new” more than you are about the other person, that’s when you’ve got a problem.

I also said I’d hate to have a clingy-type relationship/romance (whatever) where I’d be on the phone or hanging out every night of the week, and, yeah, kept that too, but it’s been a rough statute to keep. There comes a point right after “the new” wears off where you just click with the other person, and after that happens, having your own life becomes less important and spending time with the other gets close to breathing, eating, and sleeping on the list of priorities. I think the slang term for it is being “twiterpated” or “whooped,” but I could be wrong. All I know is that life is a lot more fun with her around than it is with her not around, and sacrificing some level of comfort at home on the couch to be out and about with her is a sacrifice well worth making.

It doesn’t even have to be “out,” in the most literal sense (this is gonna sound like I’m trying to score pineapple points, but it’s the honest truth). The most enjoyable part of the last month has been just crashing somewhere, hanging out, talking about life and attempting to solve all the world’s problems. It’s like writing a blog, except you talk instead of write and it’s to another person instead of a computer. Admittingly, I’ve got that dreaded fear in the back of my mind that we’re gonna hit that proverbial wall of having nothing else to talk about and then it’ll be over, but luckily there are no walls on the horizon at this point.

Which, it borders hypocrisy to admit I’m stressing out over stuff. I’ve decided that some level of insecurity and stress is a good thing. If you weren’t worried that there was a chance that you’d lose the other, you’d have no reason at all to talk, date, court, woo, impress, or any of the other stuff we all curse but secretly and sneakily makes the social system work. And no matter what stage of a relationship/romance (whatever) you’re in—whether it be startup or marriage—insecurity can be the best motivational factor in striving for a great relationship/romance (whatever) instead of settling for a good one. Granted, the sources of the insecurity change as the relationship/romance (for the last time, whatever) progresses (yeah, still waiting for that discourse about the various accepted levels of the social system…anytime…now…..), but taking a small dose of general anxiety, stress, and/or insecurity’s a decently good thing to have on occasion.

Did I mention I like pie? It’s the coolest.