Points and Produce

It was another one of those funny-horoscope-next-to-the-comics days in the daily news paper:

“Work gets tense, but that's nothing compared to your personal life! What causes stress is not the situation itself but your thoughts about it. With a little help, you can manage those.”

That may explain the pounding headache I’ve had since I set out on this whole self-discovery method of explaining the social fabric of the space-time continuum; that, or I’ve got SARS.

What’s the whole meaning and point of the last week? I think I’ve finally concluded that it confirms the obvious point that since guys have the advantage on the scoreboard when it comes to building social relationships, they are the ones to initiate and lead in the relationship. Yeah, I know, obvious point, and one many of you are telling me to wake up and observe. But find the best method (heck, any successful method) of relationship initiation is another one of those “not a lot of research here” areas. Thus many guys—yeah, including myself (doesn’t take a genius to figure that out)—find ourselves in a bit of a quandary when attempting to pursue “happiness” (or Allison, or Heather, or whoever she is).

The system itself wouldn’t have as many problems as it does if it weren’t for the other variables in the fledgling equation: girls and intangibles. I’ll be the first to admit I’m not one to take a subtle hint (I miss the obvious hints too, mind you); that’s why I told the ladies last week to be obvious in any and all hints you choose to give us concerning your feelings (or lack thereof) of attraction. If you want us to keep in touch or call you or something, we kinda have to have your phone number. More often than not the phone number exchange is the figurative signature on the metaphorical contract sealing the fact that two parties are interested in each other and the relationship can commence in some shape or form. So, when we ask for your phone number, we’re probably gonna call. If you ask for ours, that means you’re gonna call. It’s a weird and funky system, I know, but apparently people make it work.

And blast those bloody intangibles for causing fear and anxiety. If I were a gambling man, I’d venture I miss an opportunity or two every couple of weeks because of fear, anxiety, and a general lack of self-confidence. Going out on a limb, I generalize that’s precisely why 80-90% of guys and girls return home alone after a night on the town. I’m thinking, too, that the intangibles are somewhat rooted in the fruit basket theory because we’re either a) uncertain whether we’re an apple, pineapple or worm and/or 2) uncertain whether the potential interest is an apple, pineapple or worm. It’s fine to be talking to fruit of your own kind, even better to be talking to the premium produce, but it’s a health to be with the rotten stuff. And it sucks even worse when you are the rotten stuff, but since nobody gives honest opinions anymore, you have no idea if you’re rotten or carmelized.

So, yeah, the horoscope’s dead on today. I’d banish myself from thinking, but it’s still not proven that I have those processes yet.