Head-to-Head, Round Two

Against my better judgment, the head-to-head guys versus gals matchup goes on, even after a recount of round one yesterday. The dispute was over the eyes category, as one scholar noted that girls occasionally give good looks too. The sports commissioner reviewed the play, and did agree that girls give good looks; however, they’re insanely subtle and most guys wouldn’t know a “come here baby” look from a “get away, I’m going to sneeze look.” Thus, the ruling on the field stands and the score remains Guys 2, Gals 3.

Round Two: Miscellaneous Demographic Data

1) Population – The Census Bureau reported that, as of 2000, there were 143.4 million gals in the U.S., compared to only 138.1 million guys. You’d think with that many more gals than guys I’d have a decent shot at landing one. Do the math, though, and that’s only a 1.03 to 1 gal to guy ratio. Gives new meaning to the whole “special one” concept, don’t it? And has anybody ever met 1.03 gals? ADVANTAGE: even

2) Geography – Will somebody puh-LEEEZE tell me where single girls hang out? I’ve been to everything from fancy eateries to county fair truck pulls – no difference in either. Single guys are easy to find. Besides the afore-mentioned places, we frequent living rooms, bathrooms, game rooms, garages, clubs, bars, and electronic stores. ADVANTAGE: guys

3) Income – From all the reports I’ve seen, guys continue to have more earning power than gals. I, like everybody, don’t think its fair, but I’m in no position to do anything about it. ADVANTAGE: guys

4) Age – Rumor and data suggest gals live longer than guys to. If gals weren’t stomping our grapes so they’d put out more wine, we might live longer. Ever had your grapes stomped? ADVANTAGE: gals

5) Education & Age – The wild card of the round. Hear me out on this one, because evaluating both categories on their own likely wouldn’t do much to help the cause. Based on observation and interview data, it appears to me that girls begin the maturation (and as such, gaining of wisdom) several years earlier than boys do. However, this process of maturation appears to take ten, fifteen, even twenty years. Boys, on average, don’t get out of the kootie stage till their mid-teens, but once they do, tend to be fully mature and wise (granted, there are various levels of wisdom; some grapes get more ripe than others) in five years or so. It’s a good theory, but, unfortunately, still too few case studies to be sure. ADVANTAGE: even

Discussion: Other than catching guys up with gals on the scorecard, it’s still a pointless exercise. There are more girls than guys, but guys don’t know where they’re at, so it does them no good. More than likely they’re all older gals anyway; which make good adopted grandparents, but not so nice significant others. Maybe the psychographic data will turn up something substantial.

End of Round Two: Guys 4, Gals 4