All Dingdong'd Up, again

Apparently the FGF found a way to my blog the other day, because she greeted me with an instant message that spurred a heckuva conversation.

“I am sorry that the female race are jerks in disguise,” she popped. She told me she’d been reading up on my review of the fair evening, and I told her, honestly, “If girls weren't jerks, I'd have nothing to write about. And actually, girls are evil, guys are jerks.” “It’s all stereotypes,” she shot back. I said, “Well, there’s gotta be some truth to it; I mean, where there’s smoke, there’s a spark” [actually, that’s my problem, there ain’t no spark; probably not even a match or lighter fluid].

“Well, we all have mean in us. It’s the good we have to develop,” she advised. I’ve tried that though, and it’s gotten me across that really good friend line more times than I can count. I’m tired of being a nice guy. And, I told FGF as much: “I’d rather develop my bad into sinisterly evil and take over the world.” “No. You don’t need to lose that thing that makes you special and untouchable to 99% of the women.” Crap. I thought the point was for women to touch me (no, Shay, not like that). “I wanna be touchable to women, though,” I told her. After she quit laughing, she said, “Well, you are, but only to a select few.” A glimmer of hope? “Like SHF?” I asked. “No,” she said. Junk, shut down again.

“If you saw the scars you would see she isn't all that wonderful. Looks can be deceiving and I am sad that she pulled the wool over my eyes,” she said. Hmmm, that’s a pretty dang powerful warning, coming from a close friend. What gives? Well, honestly I was thinking “She’s hot, who cares?” but I can have literary creative liberty, right? Anyway, I didn’t question her, because it looked like a touchy subject, and I’m not one to get involved in touchy situations; it’s just more responsibility I don’t need. “Well, is there a consolation prize?” “The most amazing love you can have,” she said, and referred me to II Corinthians 12:10 (Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong—NLT). Good fuzzy thoughts if I were in a good fuzzy mood; I really wasn’t. “Don't give me that. I know all that. I want practical nuts and bolts answers to my practical nut and bolt problem” (no pun intended—I’m not into the Bob Dole stage yet, I don’t think).

I asked for it, and I got it. She said, “Practically speaking you just have to keep moving, because girls like guys that appear to not have time for them.” WHAT¿! “That makes no sense,” I told her. “Well if you are waiting for them to walk up to sweep them off their feet then they have no time to observe and realize they don't deserve you. Girls like to be spoiled, and thus want what they don’t deserve. That is why there are so many girls falling for the jerks. They don't pay attention and the girls are just waiting for a guy to reveal what is special about him, and unfortunately they will just keep waiting.”

This is the best, most fantastic bit of information I think any man has gotten in the history of the world in his quest to understand women. It’s a brilliant idea, and also seemingly doesn’t conflict with the “bad guys get good girls” postulate of the box theory. If the confident guys exude something similar to success or “specialness” (and probably not in the short bus kinda way I do), and girls want what they don’t deserve, then it’s pretty obvious that two and two are gonna add up to five eventually. When it does, the jerk guy, again, got something he didn’t really earn or deserve, and the girl got what she thinks she deserves, even though she doesn’t.

Why is life so bass ackwards?